Sometimes I'm okay. There are small moments I am able to enjoy:
Amy's chuckles
Joe's antics
A joke Becca tells me
One moment I can be smiling, or talking, or just feeling okay and then it hits. I feel the smile fade off my face. My throat clinches. The breath is sucked from me.
Seeing anything Star Wars in a store
Hearing a song on the radio that explains it all
Seeing an 8th birthday party on Facebook where the boys are all happy and healthy
Finding a random piece of Jacob's clothing in the laundry basket
Seeing family pictures of others and knowing that ours will never be complete again
The list could go on and on. Sometimes it is the littlest thing that can hit me like a ton of bricks.
Grief; it's a funny thing. It's not funny at all.
I am so sorry for your family we are praying for you everyday.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Indeed. It seems so unfair to be able to live every day without the person(s) we loved. It is so easy to ask why they were taken, and why not US? Memories of padt good times are painful, even though we were happy at the time. Naive about what the future held...I'm praying for you during these difficult weeks, days, and moments. It is so hard, but you are stronger than you know...find what helps you get through the day...and live. I suppose that is all we can do.
ReplyDeleteGrief is not funny at all, but the good news is that grief does soften with time. You will find one day that you had more good times then bad and that you were able to look at Star Wars with a smile. Praying for your family as you work through the grieving process!
ReplyDeleteA ton of bricks is a real way to describe it. I hope your ton gets a little lighter as the days go by. (hug)
ReplyDeleteI think about you and your family every day. I marvel at how strong you are, even though I'm sure there are times you don't feel it. I read the posts on Facebook about the acts of kindness people are doing for Jacob, and I think about how amazing it is that one little boy is making such a difference. I can't know how you feel, but I just wanted you to know. I hope your day has gotten easier, even if it's only a little bit, and I hope tomorrow is better still.
ReplyDelete