Sometimes I'm okay. There are small moments I am able to enjoy:
A joke Becca tells me
One moment I can be smiling, or talking, or just feeling okay and then it hits. I feel the smile fade off my face. My throat clinches. The breath is sucked from me.
Seeing anything Star Wars in a store
Hearing a song on the radio that explains it all
Seeing an 8th birthday party on Facebook where the boys are all happy and healthy
Finding a random piece of Jacob's clothing in the laundry basket
Seeing family pictures of others and knowing that ours will never be complete again
The list could go on and on. Sometimes it is the littlest thing that can hit me like a ton of bricks.
Grief; it's a funny thing. It's not funny at all.