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Wednesday, September 11, 2013


My breath literally caught in my throat.

"They will never be happy again."

I read those words on Facebook, written by fellow cancer mom, shortly after Jacob was first diagnosed with cancer. She is an outspoken mama who was trying to explain to her daughter how a couple, who had just lost their son to this terrible disease, would have happy times but never truly be happy again.

What?! Did she know something I didn't know?! My worst fear, as is any parent's, was to lose my son. But to also think that happiness would forever be gone made my stomach clench. Those words never left me, even now that I have faced my greatest fear - losing my own child.

I now know that those words were lies.

This mother hadn't lost her child to cancer. How could she have possibly said those words as truth when she couldn't know.

It's only been three weeks. I'm in the midst of sadness, anger, anxiousness, confusion. But I still see the light. Those words came from a mama who was not a Christian, and I can only imagine how I would feel if I didn't have faith. If I didn't think we all had a purpose on this earth. If I didn't think that I would someday see Jacob again. Maybe I couldn't ever be happy again if that were the case.

I see him all around me. I feel him close by. And I know, that someday, I will hold him in my arms again. That brings me happiness. 


  1. Wow, I cannot believe she said that. Many many many people find happiness after sadness and tragedy. If anything, your memories of Jacob will bring you happiness. Your family that still needs you brings you happiness daily. I feel sorry for that mom who truly believes that you can't find happiness.

  2. I have seen my husband's family find happiness again after his 18 year old cousin was killed in a car accident. This is the same family that I thought was a very joyful when I married in unknown that they had 20 years earlier lost their sister and her two sons (ages 3 & 1) in another car accident.

    I have seen great joy in my former neighbor's life, whose brother committed suicide, then ten years later lost his wife from cancer. Then ten years later had his house burn down, a month after that, his brother died, then a month later after that his 19 yr old son died from a car accident and they had to let him go after a month on a ventilator. While he would be the first to tell you that it all sucked, he has not turned bitter. He is one of the nicest people I know and the most joyful. He is such an example to others.

    From my own experience, yes, there are days that just are unbearable, but they do get less and less as time goes on. The ache will come back, but it does not stay as long. You find a new normal. And the happy times will come again if you are a person of hope. As Christians, we should be people of great hope. We know how it is going to all end!

  3. Unbelievable. I am so sorry she said that and that you saw it. I claim no religion but do have a spiritual side and do believe we will be with our loved ones again after we leave these bodies. There are many tactless, inappropriate comments that spew from people's mouths and now with Facebook we are bombarded by it even more. You are testimony to just how wrong she is :)

  4. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. But I must say that your faith throughout this journey has encouraged me greatly. I always tell my husband I'm not sure how anyone can go throughout life with faith in Jesus, and that is especially true as I have seen so many of my friends have to go through the pain of losing a child. Thank you for being so vocal and for showing that there can be hope in the midst of sadness. What a great mom you are to Jacob, even now!



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