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Sunday, April 19, 2015

J

Today was such a beautiful day that we decided to head to a local park to enjoy a picnic lunch and some hiking.
We grabbed some leftover pizza from the fridge and filled a couple bottles of water and headed off. The sunshine and slight breeze carried us off on an adventure.
Though there is always one missing piece to our puzzle. The last time I was at this particular park was right after Jacob's funeral. So it's no doubt that he was on my mind as only three of my four children marched ahead. 
Suddenly I got the thought in my head, "Keep an eye on the rocks." It seemed silly to hike, looking directly down at my feet. But over and over again I got the feeling I should be looking for a special rock. Soon I mentioned it to my husband. Only a short while later he exclaims, "Look at this upside down 7!" While the number 7 was Jacob's favorite number, it's quite clear that it is really a J formed in the rock.
 

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Blessed be God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble by the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
 

Friday, April 17, 2015

Go Ahead & Like It

Go Ahead & Like It by Jacqueline Suskin is a "scrapbook-style art book invitation to write lists of things you like: small things that bring delight, intriguing things that excite, and meaningful things that make every day special."

It's really something that we should do every day - find delight in the small things. Savor the simple. Appreciate.

This book is so adorable. It's filled with other lists, pictures, and prompts of what to write. So it's not just a blank canvas, but rather a fun book to add our own touch to. It would also make a neat coffee table book and be a fun book to read out loud to see what other people think. What do others "like"? What do you "like"?

My list will include:

*Toes in warm sand

*Cold glass of iced tea

*A smooth writing pen

*The smell of paper and ink

To sit down and journal it, contemplate it, focus on it all will be a sort of mediation. And I will be left with an awesome little journal of my likes. Love it! 

This book was given to me by Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest review.  

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Good Morning?!

I snuck downstairs extra early this morning. I could hear the birds chirping out the window and see the sun starting to rise.

I put the tea kettle on, ready to make my chai tea. Opened up the curtains to let the early morning sunlight in. Was about to get my devotional out. 

Foot steps on the stairs. Not one, but two, sets of footsteps.

How is it, that two children in completely different rooms, can sense their mother's happiness at some precious alone time and immediately wake up to crush it?
 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

April IPSY Bag Review

My April IPSY bag is here! 
The theme this month is "Beautifully Bohemian"and the bag reflects that! My bag includes:
*Mullein & Sparrow tinted lip and cheek stain. All natural and handmade. This is my favorite out of the bunch!

*MICA Beauty Eye Primer 

*The Balm Nude Dude eyeshadow

*Lather ultra light face lotion

*Hikari blush (Tango)...enough with the blush already, IPSY!

The bag itself is adorable and my favorite yet (I know I say this every time but it's true). 

I'll be using everything but the blush, as I have so much of that already. IPSY is just $10 a month and you get a makeup bag and 4-5 sample (and sometimes full-size products!).
 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Lost

I was watching Call the Midwife on DVD last week when a quote hit me square in the chest. "Sometimes you have to just live until you're alive again."

Some days involve just living. When you lose a piece of yourself you can feel lost. I equate a lot of my days as walking through a fog. You aren't really aware of what is around you. You look back on past days and everything is...well...foggy. Some days are better than others.

I've hit the one and a half year mark. One and a half years without Jacob. It's unfathomable. I miss his smile. I miss his precious little hands. I miss his courage and strength. I miss him. 

Last night I was reading a Make a Wish newsletter that arrived in the mail. I was okay until I got to a picture of a 15 year old boy who had reminded me of Jacob. His slim little wrists. His pale face. Helping to cut up his brother's food in the photo. I lost it. Because of the pain I know this boy has had to go through. Because I wanted to see my own boy reach the age of 15.

Sitting in the waiting room of the orthodontist and hearing a young teen boy speak to his mother. Hearing that deep, yet sometimes squeaky, voice of a teen boy. I'll never hear that. Watching another gangly teen boy grab his chart and walk into the back. His skinny arms and bony elbows as he grows into himself. I'll never be able to watch my boy change into a man.

The pain is everywhere. Seeing Jacob's boots thrown on the dining room floor. Because they are now Joe's boots. But for just a second, one tiny little moment, I was about to ask Jacob to move his boots.

My whole family at the park on Easter, enjoying the sunshine. Except, my whole family was not there. A big empty space was present without my dad and Jacob. Their absence seemed to encompass the whole day.

Joe riding Jacob's bike. Becca picking up a shirt at the thrift store with a pink and green NERD candy on the front, with the words "Best Friends". She says "Jacob loves NERDS! And his favorite color is green and mine is pink! I'll get this for Jacob!"

Using present tense instead of past tense. She meant she will wear it in honor/memory/love of Jacob. An 11 year old girl who lost the brother who was only 21 months younger than herself. Who was her best friend for 8 years. 

It's painful to have a piece of your heart missing. The pain is an actual ache. Some moments you can feel your chest tightening. Other moments it's hard to breath. Sometimes you feel shaky. Or sick. Or even scared. Grief is not just an emotional state. It's a physical one as well. 

It's a part of our life, forever and ever. Because Jacob is no longer here we will always be missing a piece of ourselves. And because of that, we will always be part of the walking wounded. Our scars, our missing parts, may not be visible to those around us, but we've been to war and come back without one of us. That leaves a wound that will never heal.  
 

Thursday, April 9, 2015

This Week

*It's been rainy and gloomy. You know, April showers bring May flowers and all that jazz. It may be chilly yet tomorrow but I think it's supposed to be dry so I look forward to hanging out some laundry and working in the flower beds and garden. 

I'm wanting to tear out the old, dying shrubs along the west side of our house and plant some type of shady shrub on the west side of the porch...a fragrant shady shrub. Any suggestions? I'm thinking mock orange or something along those lines.

*I've gotten a Facebook page set up for my Etsy shop so feel free to like it if you'd like updates. I'm not doing much with the shop at all right now (though I did just send out two orders in one week after a long lapse of orders) but do plan to list things within the next few months. Little pop ups of new items. :)

*We are catching up on school work by not taking a spring break around here. The kids don't mind (since I didn't mention spring break to begin with!) and we may be able to finish earlier than most schools around here this summer. With that said, we will be continuing with math and reading throughout the summer, as I notice things go more smoothly in those areas without that long break.

*Spring cleaning.  Lots of spring cleaning. I love, love, love this quote and am taking it to heart. This shall be my motto this year. :)

 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Savor

 Savor; Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are by Shauna Niequist is a daily devotional, yet so much more.

I read Niequist's book Bread & Wine last year and enjoyed it. She has a lovely way of writing and her descriptions take you there. The same carries over to this devotional - less preachy and more "conversation around the table".

Recipes are included as well, "because spiritual living happens not just when we read and pray, but also when we gather with family and friends over dinners and breakfasts and late-night snacks." And also because Niequist is a "foodie", so putting her heart and soul into this devotional means to bring it back to the table.

Can I just talk about the actual book as well? We may be taught not to judge a book by it's cover but it was love at first sight for me. It's a hefty size and a sturdy book. The pages are beautiful, an attached ribbon for marking your place, and a layout that is perfect. I savor the book alone for those facts! ;) It looks like the perfect book for gift giving as well (hint, Mother's Day is coming up!) and is beautiful enough that you will want to show it off on an end table or carry it around with you. 

I look forward to including this in my morning routine. 

This book was given to me by BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my honest opinion.

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