I know of several blogs of families dealing with a sick child, whether it be cancer or another illness. My blog started out as just another typical mommy blog with a touch of frugal-ness thrown in, the past year it also became a blog of a family going through the trenches of childhood cancer. And yet, there was so much that I didn't show, so much that I didn't share.
Some of the blogs that I've read dealing with an illness show everything: the good and the bad. There are loads of pictures in the hospital, during procedures, an open book. That works for those families.
For me, there were things that I couldn't blog about and things that I would rather forget. I didn't want it out there for the public to read/see, I didn't want Jacob to look back and remember those parts of the journey. Not that it was terribly gruesome, or horribly terrifying...it's just personal.
I'm sure others noticed the lack of mention of God in many of my posts. I suppose looking back this past year is one where I mention God the least. Not because I gave up or became less faithful, but because this journey was so personal that I couldn't put it into words. This past year has been a test to my faith but I can without a doubt say that my relationship with God is stronger now than it ever has been. And different. I no longer feel the need to point out the errors of others or to shout my faith from the rooftops. I realize that the greatest testament to my faith is with my own actions. This quote from St. Francis Assasi is one close to my heart: "Preach the gospel always; If necessary use words."
It's been a heck of a year, one I pray to never repeat. But deep within the trenches, there are blessings to be found. So while a journey may be so personal you need to shut your mind down for awhile, never shut your eyes or you may miss those little blessings within.
Elizabeth, you are a mother of great character and should be very proud of yourself for having dealt with this battle online so appropriately. I am so impressed with your strength and courage and continue to pray for Jacob that he will never have to deal with cancer AGAIN!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I can think of certain bloggers (one in particular... "ahem") that seemed to actually enjoy the attention on their child's illness - so much so that they seemed to manipulate their readers and capitalize on the concern. You have been the exact opposite and you are to commended. Class act you are!
I have been in constant prayer for your entire family. And you may know this already, but God's name is not one time said in the book of Esther, but His breath is all over it. His work is still there, but HIS name is not. So even though you may not have metnioned God's name, He was still there and still working in ya'lls life.
ReplyDeleteAlways a thoughtful blog, and one which makes me appreciate my own insignificant trials as such!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazingly beautiful,brave Mother. I have prayed for you so much and your family. I know how personal the walk with cancer is, been there, you are so right.. some parts are just to personal and hard to ever put out there. You have shown what God's grace does in one life !!! Hugs and blessings....
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