I savored the moments when I could watch the kids enjoy the moment with wild abandon. I paused as I hung out my wash to snap the towels to release the wrinkles or smooth my husband's work shirts. I welcomed the warm sun beating on my back as I bent to pull the weeds in the garden or picked the warm raspberries fresh from the bushes.
These were the moments when I was completely at peace this summer...they were few and far between.
This has been one of the worst summers of my life...and one of the best. Best, because I became more aware of these sweet moments. I learned to just be.
Worst because so much happened. My dad lost his job this summer because his employer was not willing to work with the limitations that he has had since his cancer treatment four years ago. He also had skin cancer this summer (but thankfully that was a fairly quick fix with freezing the spot). Watching my parents struggle trying to keep his health insurance has been difficult.
My dear Grandmother was diagnosed this past August with lung cancer which has traveled to her brain. She just finished radiation of the brain to help try to slow that progression but there is no "fix" to this. The fact is, at 83 years of age, my Grandma is fighting this loosing battle and all I can do is watch...and pray. She has an awesome support system and I know that she is in the hands of very capable people but it is tough knowing that someone that I care deeply for may be scared...will be sick...and will be gone sooner rather than later. She is an amazing woman and there will be a big hole when she is gone. And yet, there are those sweet moments when I visit her and sit on the patio and we just talk and laugh and share that I wish I could grab the moment and bottle it up to pull out later when I need them. Because the Lord knows that I'm going to need them. I'm savoring these moments now.
Not to mention other personal issues that have arisen over the summer. Things that seem so trivial now but that looked so big then. This summer has been a whirlwind of stress and sadness.
Even within the darkest of moments there are sweet moments to savor. Friends rallying around you and holding you up, strangers stepping in to show you that good people do exist. This is what I continually try to remind myself...look for the sweetness and you will find it.
I'm still happy to see this summer come to end and hope to see brighter days ahead.
I am so sorry about your family. I don't know what it is with this time of year we lost my Dad and uncle last fall Thanksgiving was a real drag. I have been seeing kindness in strangers lately too. A random woman at the gym offered me her hair tie when I cursed loudly when mine broke-nice huh?
ReplyDeleteI was at a funeral yesterday. Father's homily was about the bible verses, "A time to plant, a time for harvest; a time to laugh, a time to weep; a time to be born, a time to die." I was thinking about how true this is. We all have those moments, don't we?
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are in the time of sorrow and hardship. Hang on to those precious moments and make a lot of memories. Both of my grandmothers went so fast and only four months a part. I really miss them and so wish that I had savored the moments I had.
Remember that those friends rallying around you and strangers doing good deeds are kisses on the cheek from God. Sending prayers for you!
Thanks Jodi. I'm so sorry that you lost your father and uncle last year...losing a parent is never easy. :(
ReplyDeleteAmy, thank you for the kind words. That Bible verse is perfect for me right now as it is oh so true. I guess the sweet moments wouldn't mean as much if there wasn't some sorrow beforehand.