I never intended to co-sleep with my babies. I had a crib and a bassinet all set up for when I arrived home from the hospital with my first baby. I arrived home from the hospital exhausted. I'm not good at sleeping away from home and the noises of a hospital and getting interrupted in the middle of the night with checks and the nurses bringing little Becca in for nursing made it all harder. I arrived home with my newborn infant and a terrible migraine and I headed straight for bed. I nursed my newborn to sleep and went to lay her down and her bassinet...and she woke up! Oh, okay, let's try this again...I nursed her back to sleep and went to lay her down...and she woke up again. By this time I was desperate for a nap. So I nursed her again and we both fell asleep, and woke up a few hours later both refreshed.
That is how our co-sleeping journey started. Every single time I went to lay her into the bassinet she woke up. So little Becca ended up taking her naps in my arms, in her car seat, or the baby swing and slept with me at night. She never did make use of her bassinet and never once slept in her crib.
Co-sleeping is surprisingly easy, especially when breastfeeding. I never had to get up to rock her and wait for her to fall back to sleep before setting her down. She never even cried at night to be fed - I sensed her moving around and would get her nursing before her, or I, fully woke and we both fell back to sleep while nursing. Considering I had a newborn, I was fully rested every single night.
This has continued with the next two babies. For the majority of my nights with newborns I didn't loose sleep. I nursed a few times a night and both baby and I typically would fall right back to sleep after nursing, or even during nursing. I'm not quite sure how well it works when bottle feeding, as one would have to get out of bed to prepare the bottle, but I would be interested to hear from any of you who co-sleep and bottlefeed and hear how that works.
Many parents feel that co-sleeping is a nightmare and that you will never get your child out of your bed. I find it fairly simple. Once my children wean, I soon transition them to a toddler bed that is pushed next to our bed. They fall asleep next to me and I move them into their toddler bed. Little by little they end up falling asleep in their toddler bed and sleep all night. Then I move their bed into another room. It seriously has been an easy step for me with the first two children and I don't see where there will be a problem with Joe as we begin this transition period this spring. Both older kids sleep excellent at night in their own beds. We have never had sleep issues with them.
S-E-X. Can it happen when you co-sleep? Of course! It doesn't always happen in bed, but you learn to be creative. Co-sleeping doesn't affect our intimate life.
Is it safe? There is always a debate going about whether it is safe or not. If you look around the globe, where most parents co-sleep with their infants, it is proven to be completely safe. This includes Japan, where the rates of SIDS are the lowest in the world.Under most circumstances, co-sleeping is likely to be very safe and beneficial. If the parent(s) smoke or take drugs, co-sleeping is risky. Sleeping with an infant on a waterbed, couch, soft bed, or any bed that has gaps or ledges into which the infant can fall, can be risky for the infant. It is more ideal to sleep on a firm mattress, and to limit the use of pillows and blankets. You must make your bed a safe place for an infant, just as you would make a crib a safe place. Co-sleeping is how babies have been raised since the dawn of time, and putting baby to sleep in a separate bed or room is a new invention. It doesn't mean it is a safer one.
I know that co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone. But it IS a safe option and the perfect fit for our family.
I'd love to hear your sleeping styles and what works for you.
We're still co-sleeping with Aedan (19 months) and plan to do the same with Landon, when he arrives in April. Aedan will sleep on the other side of Daddy, and Landon will sleep with me. We have our mattress and box spring on the floor, and Aedan can easily get in and out on his own.
ReplyDeleteLike you, we bought a crib and had a nursery all set up before Aedan was born. However, after we finally brought him home from the hospital after 3 1/2 weeks of having to hold him with tons of leads and wires attached (he has a congenital heart defect and had his first heart surgery at 17 days old!), we immediately moved the crib into our room. There was no way we could have him sleeping in another room! We ended up never putting him in the crib because we all slept better with him in bed with us- we felt safer being able to hear him & monitor his breathing and heartrate with him right next to us.
Now, in our little 3 bedroom house, we have a "family" bedroom, a playroom, and a guest room. We're both fine with both boys (and any future children) sleeping with us until they want to move out of our bed, even if that's not for a few years. I never understood the "you'll never get them out of your bed" argument. I breastfeed and don't worry that I'll have to go off to college with my boys to feed them, and start them out in diapers without worrying that they'll never be potty trained! I think the natural desire for independent sleep will come when they're ready as well.
There are definitely times when I think it would be nice to not have a toddler in bed with us, but overall, I wouldn't change a thing about our decision. It's had no impact on our intimate life, and we both love waking up to a smiling baby. :) Also, a few months ago I woke around 1am to Aedan having difficulty breathing. We ended up in the ER and he was airlifted to the children's hospital where he's had his surgeries. It ended up only being croup, but because of his history, they have to rule out complications from his surgeries. If he'd been sleeping in another room, I wouldn't have heard the subtle change in his breathing, and might not have woken up!
Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack your post- my comment ran longer than I intended, but I look forward to reading the other responses!
We coslept for the first 11 months and really had no trouble transitioning to a crib and by 13 months he was sleeping through the night. Thanks for writing such a thoughtful post about this:-)
ReplyDeleteI am co-sleeping with our current baby, but didn't with my oldest, and I can honestly say (and my husband would agree!) that this time around having the baby in our bed has NOT dampened our sex life at all. Let's face it,whether you co-sleep or not, it still takes a bit of creativity and determination to make intimate moments happen when you have a baby and other young children in the house! :) Great post. I like how you state your opinion but don't act judgemental of others who feel differently.
ReplyDeleteI was a co-sleeper with both of my children. It was just much more convenient and such. The only hard part was as my son was starting school and still in my bed and it was really time for so many reasons for him to be in his own.
ReplyDeleteI did kind of a half and half co-sleeping, if that makes sense. There was a bassinet next to the bed, but most of the time we would both fall asleep nursing. Sometimes I would move her to the bassinet, sometimes I wouldn't. She began sleeping in a crib in her own room when she was sleeping through the night with no feedings.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed co~sleeping with ours. Especially our last lil' one. He's in his own bed now (at almost 2), but I look back on those nights with a smile and I am so glad I held him while I could. Sniff sniff....
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep and still do with my 21 month old son. But our arrangement has changed and evolved with time his needs and ours. When he was very little I had an arrangement much like yours. He slept in a bed side co-sleeper (which felt safer for me) if you have not seen them they actually attach to the bed, not bassinet like!! We would all go to bed at the same time, I would nurse and fall asleep simultaneously etc. Around 6-8 months old we developed more of a bed, bath, book routine and he would lay down in his own crib from maybe 8 until 11 when he wanted to nurse. We then were ready to go to bed ourselves and would put him in our bed so I could nurse. We currently put him to bed on his own. If we leave him in there he wakes up without fail every night crying for us and scared.... so now we transfer him when we go to bed so that he does not wake in the middle of the night and everyone gets sleep. I love the arrangement!! We have more than enough adult time but are not trucking up the stairs at 2am to get a scared nearly 2 year old.
ReplyDeleteI didn't technically co-sleep with my son but it was close. I nursed him as well and like you said, it was just easier to put him in the bed while nursing. Sometimes I would fall asleep too. While he slept in his crib most nights it was not uncommon to bring him to bed with me. To this day (he is eight) when he is sick or is having leg cramps (which he has often), I bring him to sleep in our bed. This is more for my benefit than his. If I didn't I would be up all night long taking care of him. This way I can reach over and give him a sip of water, and check on him then roll over and go back to sleep. We've never had a problem getting him back in his bed after those times. In fact, he has a lot of respect to knock before entering our room if my husband or I are in bed.
ReplyDeleteI did co-sleeping with all 3 of my boys. I always felt it was easier for night feedings since I breastfed them. For the first month or so with each child, my husband would sleep in the guest bedroom because he was afraid of rolling over on the baby. But once the baby is a little bit bigger he doesn't worry about it. And you're right, sex doesn't always have to be in your bed! All 3 sleep in their own bed or crib in their rooms now. They are 7, 5 & 2. We had the most trouble getting the oldest one to sleep in his own bed (just got him comfortable with it about a year ago), but I think that's a personality issue, not because we co-slept.
ReplyDeleteTotally coslept! With my youngest we had the bed side co-sleeper and it was unbelievable! I very rarely lost much sleep from nighttime feedings. I loved having them so close to me.
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in "do what works for you". Now that the kids are 5 and 2 we still cosleep but, a different version of it. Hubby and I have a phenomenal sex life because we work around it! Cosleeping isn't for everyone but, we just think about the days that our kids won't even want us in their room, let alone in their bed! LOL
#1-Coslept
ReplyDelete#2-Didn't Cosleep
#3-Wish I was still cosleeping
I seriously enjoyed cosleeping and never once had any problems...
with #1, she had colic and it just helped soothed her to be with me (and it was easier for me to have her close).
#2 never would fall asleep with us, so I didn't force her to and she is my most independant child...
#3 had GERD and needed elevation and I was so worried about elevating him in the crib so, he slept with us until he was 6 months old...and I miss him all the time. Now, I can barely get him to cuddle in bed with me...
Definitely no problems or attachment issues here, and altough things weren't easy (wink, wink) they still managed to happen (yes, we put the baby in the swing sometimes before we turned in...haha).
I occasionally fell asleep whilst nursing (go oxytocin!) I never put my kids into my bed. With #1, she was in a seperate room and it was a total disaster. Well, I was a total disaster. She didn't sleep in blocks of more than about 3 hours until she was 9 months. Gotta love novice mums... ;D With #2, we had his cot in our room (both of my kids were too big for bassinets when they were born) and I loooved it! He was easy as pie and sleeping through they night at (I kid you not) 4 weeks. 6-8 hours sleep. Gotta love that!
ReplyDeleteMy brother's a paramedic and when I was pregnant with my first, he had to attend two cases where the baby had died in the bed with their parents. One the mother had accidentally rolled on her newborn and had woken up to discover that she'd smothered her baby and the other one just got covers on its face and passed away. Knowing that that can happen, seeing the effect it had on my brother and how he described the poor mothers of these babies, I just can't actually sleep restfully with my baby in my bed with me. I can hear them and be close to them with them in my room.
Many times with my second, my husband would just get him out of his cot when he needed a feed, put him next to me, we'd do our thing and then the husband would pop him back in his own cot. It was warm and intimate and right for us.
While I did breastfeed until my son was 10 months old, we never did the co-sleeping. He slept in a bassinet next to our bed for the first 5 weeks. I noticed that we would wake him up when we came to bed/got up to use the restroom/woke in the mornings so at 5 wks we moved him to his crib upstairs. (I used a video monitor.) It worked wonderful for us. He has been sleeping from 8pm until 7:30ish am for as long as I can remember. (He is 19 mo. now.) While he will wake up and fuss in the middle of the night from time to time, if I just leave him alone, he always falls back asleep. I LOVE that he can go to sleep and back to sleep on his own. I'm not sure that I could have accomplished that if he was sleeping next to me.
ReplyDeleteI "accidentally" began co-sleeping as well. I ended up with an unexpected c-section with my first and after trying to get up and down for numerous nursing times throughout the nite... I tried nursing laying down and never turned back. My oldest co-slept with us until he was about 13 months... my middle one until she was almost 3 (she is a tiny child), and then our 9 month old is still currently co-sleeping :)
ReplyDeleteMy best friend wound up co-sleeping with her first son, and everyone was all over her about it. I actually felt bad, because it really seemed like something no one else should get an oppinion on.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, they transitioned her son much the same way you mentioned, and he is now sleeping in his own bed with no problems at all. For what a big deal people made, it actually turned out perfect for her!
With my 1st I did not cosleep because my son could not do it! He simply could not sleep anywhere but in his own bed. Which was fine because I honestly thought it was not a good idea, that and we had a full size bed so it was a little cramped. My second was a whole different story! SHe loves to snuggle and has slept in our bed for the majority of her life and I loved it! Almost two weeks ago I put her in her bed at bed time and she slept till morning and has done so since, all by herself. I miss her! I breast fed and bottle fed, the 1st feeding was breast and the second was a bottle. I would go make her bottle and lay down next to her with the bottle propped up on my breast or under my chin. We would both fall to sleep and I would wake up when I heard the bottle squeek because she had drank it all. I would then take away the empty bottle and go back to sleep, snuggled up to my baby! LOVED IT!
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything to add to your post. I agree with it 100%
ReplyDeleteWe are just now transitioning from co-sleeping to my daughter sleeping all night in her bed. For the last two years, she has been falling asleep in her bed but always comes into our bed at night. We just moved her out of her toddler bed into a full-size bed last week and all but one night, she has slept all night in her own bed. I miss her in mine! Crazy, huh?
I don't have a strong conviction either way. For us though, our kids slept in a crib in their own room. I was hard enough for me to get used to sleeping with my husband in the same bed (I never had to share a room or bed growing up) let alone adding a baby to it! I like to sprawl out.
ReplyDeleteWe co-slept with all three of ours, and loved every minute of it. Our 3rd son still comes to our room/bed some nights, though he starts out on his own bed each night (he's almost 5). Wouldn't have it any other way!
ReplyDeleteAlso - love the tone of this post compared to some of your previous Wholesome Weds. posts. Great job, and thank you : )
Our son is 6 and still climbs into our bed some nights. I'm sure some people would tell me to get strict with him, etc, etc, but I honestly don't mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear other's opinions on this and see the tone is not so judgemental.
We coslept with our first (now almost 3) and he still comes in with us from time to time (we wake up to feet in our face, lol!). He's still in a toddler bed with crib mattress and I just think he misses the 'better' mattress of our bed! Our new baby I coslept with the first few weeks (with him propped up in a bobby next to me) and he soon transitioned to sleeping in his swing right next to our bed. I wish we could cosleep with him but he has major chronic congestion and it seems to make it hard for him to breathe when he's laying down for long periods of time. There are mornings I fall asleep nursing him (laying down of course!) and he falls asleep as well, I love, love, love it when that happens as long as he isnt snuffling and snorting!
ReplyDelete**boppy** goodness, I can spell, I promise ;)
ReplyDeleteWith my oldest we started out with the crib in our bedroom for the convenience of nursing in the middle of the night. He was a very poor sleeper and most the time we would both pass out from sheer exhaustion while feeding. By the time he was 5 weeks old I had to quit nursing because of an acute intolerance he had to something (which turned out to be dairy protein) in my breastmilk. When I switched him to hypoallergenic formula he layed in bed with me and would fall asleep in the crook of my arm and would stay asleep if I moved him into the crib. However if he had a bad night he'd sleep with us and it's still the same now that he's 2 months shy of his 3rd birthday. He sleeps in his own room about as much as he sleeps in ours. Our second baby was (is) an excellant sleeper! He never slept a single night in our bed (though always in a bassinet or crib in our room) until just a month ago when his molars started coming in. And then he's only spent about half the night with us. He was also eventually bottle fed, which I did the same as our first, moving him to his crib when he fell asleep. Both boys have slept all through the night since they were 2 months old so getting up in the middle of the night has never been a really big deal here unless someone was sick. And making a bottle in the middle of the night wasn't a hassle. Before bed I would put the necessary amount of water in however many bottles they normally drank during the night, and when we had an upstairs bedroom took them up with us along with the formula and mixed the bottles right in bed.
ReplyDeleteI don't regret co-sleeping but it's also so lovely waking up in the morning without a kink in your neck from sleeping around someone who was hogging your pillow or bruises in your back from the tiny toes of a sideways sleeper!
I am middle of the road on this one. Our children start out in a bassinet or play pen right next to my side of the bed. I nurse the baby to sleep snuggling side by side in my bed, then I transfer baby to crib. It is handy having it near at hand, so I merely have to reach over and lift baby out when he wakes. Once baby is waking less in the night, we scoot the crib into the corner of our bedroom and baby sleeps there until about age 1, when they transition into their own room. This has worked wonderfully for us, as it allows closeness and convenience without sacrificing sleep for momma...I am a light sleeper and just cannot relax and doze off when baby is right next to me. Every little sound and squirm wakes me up! It never affected mine and my husband's intimacy having baby in the same room. Bbay never objected to being moved into own room later on. It was the best of both worlds!
ReplyDelete