What the Future Holds

14 years ago my husband I said "I Do". I look at pictures and think "We were only babies!" 

We had been married a little over a year in the above photo and I think I was pregnant with Becca. That is our cute little niece with us!

And this is one of my favorite pictures of Ben. I think he is pretty hot, if I do say so myself. :)

14 years of love and laughter.

Tears and pain.

Life and loss.

While going through photos and seeing myself and others 10, 15, 20 years ago I thought, "What if someone had told me what my life would be like at 32?" 

"One of your children is going to get cancer. And die."

"You are going to lose three people precious to you in the space of three years." 

Those would have been huge blows. What teen imagines that she is going to someday be the mother to a pediatric cancer patient? That she will have to watch her child die? Luckily, we DON'T know the future. It would taint our everyday life.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't do anything different, except appreciate the everyday just a bit more. 

I would still marry the same man. 

I would still give birth to my little Jacob and still love him for the 8 years I had him. I would just kiss him and hug him and hold him so much more.

This quote kind of sums up our 14 years together, especially the last five: 
"In your struggles you don't have to fight alone. Let God fight with you and fight for you. Together, you can never fail!"

Life. Love. Living. It's not easy. 

If someone were to tell you what your exact present circumstances would be 20 years ago would you have been happy? Surprised? Sad? What do you think you would have thought about who you are now?