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Monday, February 17, 2014


*"Maybe it will be Jacob who leads your family to Heaven; he will be praying for you all your days." a priest told me as I sat in his confessional as my son lay on the couch, dying.

'a little child will lead them' Isaiah 11:6

There is no doubt in my mind that I have become a better person since Jacob's death. I feel him around me. I've felt God's presence  more this year than I have my whole life. 

*"You will see things with new eyes, everything will be more beautiful." Our Hospice nurse said, who went through a similar experience years ago.

Life has become more beautiful, more precious. I see the good with new eyes, and the bad more clearly.

*"You'll find out who your friends are." I heard from so many people who had also gone through difficult trials in their life.

We felt so much love and support at Jacob's wake and funeral. My friendships deepened  as I was surrounded by support. One online friend drove 5 hours from Missouri and one flew in from New York to stand by us during Jacob's wake. God brings the right people into our lives just when we need them.

*"Children are a blessing from the Lord."

There is no doubt about this. Not only was Jacob one of the biggest blessings of our life, but Amy's arrival seemed to be timed just perfectly, to keep our arms full as one child departed. As my husband said "I gave Heaven one angel and Heaven gave me another." Our other three children have been blessings to us during this difficult time.

I was able to watch Jacob live his entire life. He did more in his eight years than many do in 80. I've had countless people tell me how much he has touched their lives, how he has changed them for the better.

Blessings still abound. 

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