I think we can all agree that birthdays as adults just aren't as special as they were when we were children. The magic kind of fizzles out.
I haven't looked forward to my birthdays since Jacob passed away. After all, I can't have the one thing I want for my birthday.
And several of my birthdays before that have not so great memories. My 29th birthday was spent in the hospital with Jacob (though it was his last chemotherapy treatment...so that was a special celebration!). My 30th birthday was spent at my mother's house with two of my children, Jacob and my husband were in the hospital because that is when Jacob was in isolation with his stem cell transplant. My 31st birthday was when my son was dying.
So yeah...it's no longer a day I look forward to.
This morning I awoke to a messy house. I called the cafe to reserve some cupcakes and was informed that the wedding day cupcakes were just all bought out. At 8:30 in the morning. My head hurts. I feel like crying.
I told myself to stop it with the "woe is me". My dad, when asked if he felt old on his birthdays, would respond "I'm blessed to get to be this old." He passed away a day before his 61st birthday. I remember that with every year. I'm blessed to reach age 33, not everyone has that chance. How well I know that.
I turned on the radio in the kitchen and got to work baking my own cupcakes. Jacob always said that he wanted a cupcake store when he was older...so I MADE my own cupcakes. It's saving me $14 and will probably taste better anyhow. The lyrics blasting through the speakers spoke to me:
"What if blessings come through raindrops? What if healing comes through tears?"
Life doesn't have to be perfect to be good. If life is filled with love, laughter, and a purpose it is one well lived. Today is a blessing. So this buttercup will buck up today...though it is my birthday so I can cry if I want to. ;)