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Friday, July 10, 2015

I Miss Me

I miss me.

It seems a funny thing to say. 

When Jacob went home to Heaven he took a piece of me along with him.

My heart is now broken. My soul has scars. My mind has wounds that won't heal. My body has aches and pains. 

I'm no longer me. The me of pre-2010 where worries were only "what-ifs". Where kids stayed healthy and life was daily mundane tasks peppered with awesome simple moments. 

So, so naive of what was waiting around the corner.

Much like a solider who has gone to battle will often flinch at an explosive sound, my body reacts to the dangers of the world. 

I've seen the battlegrounds at the Children's Hospital. I've seen the brave pediatric patients fighting the fight with courage and strength. I've seen the hope, the tears, the fear, the sadness. The walking wounded. The ones who don't come home.

It changes you. The you of before is gone.

Just as one would have to learn to walk again after losing a leg, one would have to learn to "see" again after losing sight, we must learn to live again after losing our precious Jacob.

I'm getting acquainted with this new person that I have become. But, oh, how I miss the old me.   


  1. I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I wish I could give you a big hug. I wish I could tell you the changes will start to make sense and you won't remember the "old you" but I suspect that wouldn't be true. I wish I could tell you time eases all pain...but easing it is not taking it away so that won't help either. All I have for you is prayers and each day for so long I've been asking God to walk with you and your family. I've asked Him to ease your pain...and so much more. May you feel God's presence on your journey always! God bless!

    1. Thank you - you've been a big support to our family - I hope you know that!!

  2. Elizabeth... I echo everything that Tami says. I read your posts about Jacob and just don't know what to say. Except that I pray for you, and you are loved by so many more than your family. And that boy Jacob.. Wow. How many get to have one of those?
    Your strength and grace are inspirational.
    Blessings always.

    1. I love your "How many get to have one of those?" That is so true...we were blessed with our Jacob. <3



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