I Miss Me

I miss me.

It seems a funny thing to say. 

When Jacob went home to Heaven he took a piece of me along with him.

My heart is now broken. My soul has scars. My mind has wounds that won't heal. My body has aches and pains. 

I'm no longer me. The me of pre-2010 where worries were only "what-ifs". Where kids stayed healthy and life was daily mundane tasks peppered with awesome simple moments. 

So, so naive of what was waiting around the corner.

Much like a solider who has gone to battle will often flinch at an explosive sound, my body reacts to the dangers of the world. 

I've seen the battlegrounds at the Children's Hospital. I've seen the brave pediatric patients fighting the fight with courage and strength. I've seen the hope, the tears, the fear, the sadness. The walking wounded. The ones who don't come home.

It changes you. The you of before is gone.

Just as one would have to learn to walk again after losing a leg, one would have to learn to "see" again after losing sight, we must learn to live again after losing our precious Jacob.

I'm getting acquainted with this new person that I have become. But, oh, how I miss the old me.