I've come to find out that life isn't so much about the situations that we are put in but rather our attitudes. The Debbie Downers who complain about everything in their life are making themselves miserable when someone with the same circumstances who goes through life with a positive attitude let those same things slide off their back and enjoy life, no matter what comes.
Yesterday I reached my breaking point, when after 6 days in the hospital we were told it would be 4 more until Jacob would be discharged. I didn't want us to have to be in the hospital on Easter...again. I didn't want to be stuck in this
jail hospital any longer. I became angry and started to have a pity party for myself. I posted a post on my personal Facebook page and then cried in the bathroom. I then figuratively slapped myself across the face and told myself to calm down. It is what it is.
I couldn't change the situation but I had every opportunity to change my attitude. I decided that it would be best to leave Jacob's bedside (which I have sat next to for 6 days) to find a place to clear my head. I took a drive to the local mall and walked around, getting some much needed exercise in. I tried on a few pairs of jeans and some shirts, which were badly needed as I only remembered to throw one shirt into our bag as I packed in a rush on Saturday evening. I listened to the music drifting from the stores and people watched. I swallowed down tears as I passed an older man sitting on a bench, wishing that my dad had been allowed to reach that age. I then held back chuckles as I exited a store a short time later and saw this man still sitting on the bench as I realized his perfect ivory coloring reminded me of a corpse. It was a weird reaction, and maybe a bit morbid, but the thought that maybe I was losing it a bit made me feel better in an odd way.
Just changing my attitude made my day a whole lot better. I arrived back at the hospital refreshed and was welcomed by a happy little boy who had made Easter crafts to decorate the room while I was away. It was a win-win situation.
Sometimes what we think is going to happen turns out to not be as bad as we once thought. We were told this morning that instead of Monday we are now being discharged today. Jacob will be going home on antibiotics and IV nutrition. We will have to watch closely to make sure the fever doesn't return (and now monitor a spot on his leg which started out as a scratch but now has a big red bump on it...hoping the redness does not increase) but we get to spend Easter at home as long as it continues to go well!!
My mantra is the Serenity Prayer, which many people know the beginning to but don't often hear the prayer in it's entirety.
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.