Happiness in a Jar

We've spent almost a month at home - this is the longest stretch home so far since Jacob restarted treatments back in March. His platelets were not high enough to start chemotherapy last week so we will go in this Friday for a five day stay. He's feeling good and has his energy back.

I was happy for another week at home. A week to organize the house. A week to play in the sun. A week to watch Becca and Joe at their swimming lessons. A week to read books, meet a friend at the park for a play date, hang laundry on the line (it's been over a month since I've had to use our dryer - no rain here is at least good for one thing!), and enjoy walks/bike rides with the family.

All these activities makes us thirsty. I'm not a huge water fan and have to try tricks to get myself to drink it. With warm weather comes the perfect setting to make sun tea - something that we all like to drink. It's a perfect way to cut back on soda (something that we are trying to do - we weren't big soda drinkers in the first place - maybe two sodas a week but even that is two too many!) and stay hydrated in the summer.
I just fill the jar with water and place about four Lipton tea bags inside (I usually add a couple green tea bags or herbal tea bags such as red raspberry leaf as well) and set it outside on the porch table (which is also our outdoor craft table - hence the paint stains!).

Let it seep a few hours to all day, depending on the strength which you prefer. Bring the jar inside, dispose of tea bags (ours go into the compost bin!) and chill in the refrigerator. We don't drink ours sweetened but you could add a bit of sugar, honey, or agave nectar to sweeten it if you desire.

It's a very inexpensive, healthy drink for the summer. We go through a jar of tea a day.

Sun tea makes me happy.
Especially when I go to pick it up and notice a reflection of my daisy in it. Who says you can't bottle happiness?

You Move Too Fast

Dear Summer,
I looked forward to you, thinking that I would have extra time to just sit and be. I was excited for the start of Vacation Bible School, swimming lessons, library programs, and most of all, idleness. The latter seems to be quite elusive these days.
You are going much too quickly. Your days are full to the brim and I fall into bed exhausted at night. You are making me tired.
You are also keeping me in awe. I'm loving the joy that you bring to my family and I. I love your hotness, your rain showers, the cool breezes that you blow my way. I love the way you tend to my flowers and vegetable garden. I love the way you dry my laundry on the clothesline. I love your warm caresses as I sit on the porch and watch the children play.
I love you. Please slow down a little so that we can enjoy every minute of you!

Reality

Sometimes when I see the kids running around the yard together, hear laughter bubbling from a room, or find the aftermath of a day spent in the playroom I almost forget for a moment that one of those children is sick.

It's always at the back of your mind. Is he too pale and in need of a transfusion? Is he crying because his sister hurt his feelings or because he is feeling sick? Is it time for his medications? There is always a reminder.

Such as the line of medications which he takes daily. Some of these are once daily, some twice, some need to be administered three times a day. One needs to be given twice daily on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The injection needs to be given when his ANC reaches below 500 and given until it reaches 10,000. Some need to be given with food, others on an empty stomach, some not within a few hours of each other. Some days I feel as though my whole day revolves around medicine.

He has a whole host of other medications that he takes on an as needed basis. Luckily, we don't need to give those as often.

Then there is his dual hickman line. It needs to be hep locked daily (the two blue syringes in the picture). Twice weekly we need his blood counts so I need the whole pile of supplies shown below in order to draw his blood.

There is also a dressing change that needs to be done weekly to keep the area where the hickman line runs into his chest clean and sterile. That involves peeling off the old dressing, donning sterile gloves, swabbing the area with alcohol, repositioning the line in a loop, and putting a sterile dressing back on. We need to cover it when he takes a shower or bath to keep it dry.

There is a host of other issues that need to be dealt with as well. The odd thing is that while it dictates a lot of our day, it's become normal for us. It's just another thing that needs to be done during the day. Jacob takes his medicine like a champ, holds out his arm for the injection, and sits still for his line to be flushed or his dressing to be changed. I'm able to keep all the medicines straight without a chart and know what time he needs what and when he last had this or that. And because it is now normal to us, every once in awhile I'm almost able to forget that it isn't normal .

Blast From the Past

I've become conflicted recently on the direction I've wanted to take my blog. Should it be only updates on Jacob? Everything else seems so trivial compared to that. Yet, a whole blog only of updates could get depressing or mundane. Life happens even during cancer, after all, so after much deliberation with myself I have decided to go on as usual. I'll be my random self and talk about whatever is on my mind at the time...whether it be my sweet Jacob or something completely different.

Jacob is feeling good, this time around the nasty cocktail is treating him more kindly. We did have to spend all day at the hospital yesterday getting TPA placed in his hickman line to break up a clot and to get platelet and blood transfusions (his platelets were down to 3 and his Hemoglobin to 6.9!). 3 hours in the van and 6 1/2 hours at the hospital with all three children was an adventure, to say the least! If Jacob's counts continue to rise this week we will be back at the hospital on Friday for another 5 day chemotherapy course and a repeat of the CT scan to see if the nodules have disappeared (please God, let them be gone).

Life at home continues on. Sunshine has made for several days of outdoor fun. Bike rides, working in the garden, sitting on the porch, hanging up laundry, and realizing a renewed love of nature has been our week long activity. We've also done a little garage sailing.

I've started a small collection of vintage Pyrex dishes and had to pick this little dish up for a quarter.

I'm not sure if I'm getting old (well, of course I am, I'm turning 30 this summer!) but I'm loving finding items from my childhood. This green Tupperwear pickle holder got me all excited as I remember eating countless pickles out of one when I was around 4. The three colorful Tupperwear cups are exactly like the ones I drank out of, though I was disappointed they didn't come with the sippy cup lids I remember oh so well. The matching little bowls with lids remind me of the Cheerios that my mom packed in similar ones for my little brother and I to eat in church on Sunday mornings.
The tote was a fun find for $1 and will add some color this summer and even the vintage tablecloth was from a sale.

One of my favorite finds was this hutch which came from a church sale.

As I find items that I love I am hauling items that I don't need/want out of the house. Spring cleaning came a bit late for me this year but I've been hauling bags and boxes of items to the local charity shop. Even the kids are getting on board and going through their toys and books in order to simplify. We are starting to notice a tiny dent in the "stuff" around here and it's freeing!

Odds & Ends

Jacob and I arrived home Tuesday night after a five day chemotherapy stay. It was the same cocktail that caused a lot of nausea and vomiting, a fever, and bleeding ulcers last time around. So far it is treating him more kindly and we pray that it continues that way.

While at the hospital he had a two month CT scan and unfortunately the results were not what we were hoping for. The scan showed 4 nodules in the lungs. They could be one of two things - the cancer could be progressing even while he is undergoing this chemotherapy (this would be a very bad thing) or it could just be an infection in the lungs. They will repeat the scan in 4 weeks, which means that we won't have any clue what is going on until then. Many prayers that it is a simple infection that is gone by the next scan, please.

Otherwise, we are happy to be at home once again! The weather is beautiful and we have been spending as much time outdoors as possible. Jacob playing on the porch and helping me in the garden. Joe learning to ride his bike which was passed down from Jacob (hoping to find Jacob a new bike at garage sales next week). Becca playing with chalk and playing Littlest Pet Shop on the porch. I've been hanging up laundry, planting, watering, and just soaking up the fresh air. It's good to be home!

Even with the uncertainty of the scans and having the decision of going ahead with the stem cell transplant or not (as long as the scans are clean next month) we are at peace. It's a feeling that can't be explained, especially for someone like myself that has anxiety about everything. We just are. Having complete faith in God is making life that much easier.

Week In Review

Saturday hubby and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary by cleaning out the van and doing yard work. We I joked that you know you've been married a long time when you do yard work on your anniversary! Just in case you're wondering, we did go out to eat the night before...we just avoided anything in town on our actual anniversary as it was also prom night!

Sunday we took my English Bulldog to a rescue group. Believe me, I did not want to get rid of her and have been sad ever since. I raised her from a puppy and we had her for 2 1/2 years. After she nipped Becca last year, and the fact that we are gone so much due to Jacob's treatments, we came to the conclusion that it would be best to find her a new home. Sometimes it just stinks making adult decisions.

Monday I gave our other dog a bath and found a lump in her nipple. The next day she was seen at the vet where he concluded that it is almost certainly cancer. He got her into surgery that day and found a lump in another nipple as well so removed two. They will be sent off for pathology and to see if they got it all or if it may have spread. He was afraid of putting her under to preform the surgery due to her size (110 lbs.) and her age (10 years) but she came through it just fine and is recovering at home quite well. I hope he was able to get the whole tumors out but regardless I hope that she has a few good years left (she is fairly old for a St. Bernard mix).

We found out on Tuesday evening that Jacob may be ready for his stem cell harvest so he needed to go in on Wednesday to be checked. Wednesday happened to be Joe's 4th birthday. Hubby took Jacob to the hospital and I decided to go ahead with Joe's birthday plans so took him and Becca out for pizza and a stop at the cupcake shop to let him pick out some cupcakes.

Jacob wasn't ready for his stem cell harvest on Wednesday so they topped him off with a blood transfusion and platelets and sent him on his way home, telling him to be back the next day.

Hubby took Jacob to the hospital again this morning (I just couldn't face the hospital this week...especially since I will be staying with him for his 5 day chemotherapy stay next week). They needed 5 million stem cells and Jacob gave them 13 million - so it was a good harvest!

It was an emotional week for me and I'm exhausted. I spent most of today outside working in the garden, planting seeds, and sitting on the porch listening to the birds sing. Nature always helps to recharge my soul and I surely needed it today.

April Showers...

...bring May flowers.You would be amazed at how different the view from your kitchen window looks in just 30 days. Being in the hospital for so long makes you appreciate the little things - the smell of rain or food cooking, the lush landscape from a car window, digging in the dirt.

When we arrived home on Saturday it was chilly and rainy. It continued like that until today, when the sun broke free of the clouds and the air became heavy with humidity. We spent most of the day outside working in the dirt. Eating fresh radishes (the earliest that we have ever harvested them!), planting shade loving wildflower seeds behind the garage, planting seeds in pots for the front porch. Our fingernails are dirty and our hair smells like sunshine.

My peonies are blooming and we found the little white flowers pictured above by the wooden fence out back. I've never seen them before and am wondering what they are (do you know?). They came from stems that I thought were wild onions growing earlier this spring. Joe and I picked some and placed them in the kitchen windowsill, in a strange little glass globe that we found outside a few years ago. That, too, I am unsure of what it is ~ our dog likes to dig holes between the garage and shed and we are constantly finding hidden treasures unearthed ~ an old fingernail polish bottle, an arm from an old china doll, bits of glass, and the little glass bottle I made into a miniature vase. I'm assuming it was once a dump for a family's garbage, as was often the case a hundred years ago.

All I know is that it is good to be home! Jacob is feeling great, loving being home, and is eating like a little pig. We had to cut his Megace prescription (an appetite stimulant) because he was literally wanting to eat a full meal every half hour! He is enjoying the outdoors, being with his brother and sister again, sleeping in his own bed, grilled steaks, and the freedom from the hospital!