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Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Some recent Facebook posts of mine:

7-15-13: Thanks to my mom for the book "Were is Heaven? Children's Wisdom on Facing Death" by Ted Menten. I love what he says about this topic: "But a child's life may be a shooting star-one brief shining moment crossing the landscape of our life, a moment brilliant in beauty but brief in duration. Children are filled with joy and laughter, and their final gift to us is the gift of life-their life. In facing death, they show us how to live."

7-15-13: Jacob had another fairly good night. He had a dose of morphine before bed and asked for another at 4:30am but seemed comfortable immediately afterwards and slept well.

When Joe crawled onto the mattress this morning to lay next to me I said "Joe, can you rub my back?" (because that mattress leaves me waking up in horrible pain) but instead Jacob's little hand reached out from the pile of blankets on the couch to rub it. I patted his hand and told him to go back to sleep - how can anyone, much less a child, be so selfless in a time of great bodily strife?

I've been giving Jacob sponge baths for the past week since he didn't feel good enough to get in the tub. Tonight my heart clenched in fear when he asked for a real bath. I've barely been able to stand seeing him getting skinner and skinner these past weeks and didn't know if I could stand the sight of him undressed.

His climb into the tub was slow and painful but instantly I saw him relax as he... lowered himself into the water. This boy, who was born in a water birth, has always loved his baths. It was painful to see my child as thin as a skeleton and a swollen chest that wasn't moving (he is now breathing with his abdomen muscles) but as I washed his frail body and dried him off and dressed him I was the one who felt blessed. This little boy is as close to God as anyone can possibly be and I am literally caring for an angel who is embarking on his journey home.

As his mother, I hope that he has felt blessings from us throughout his life but I feel he has taught us so much more than we could have ever taught him.

Prayers for a peaceful night for him.
I take back what I said yesterday - I'm glad Jacob's body is so strong. I'm glad that Jacob is so strong...it's this supernatural courage and strength that make him who he is. It is what has brought him through the past three years. It is his will, diversity, happiness, thoughtfulness, and radiance that make him such an inspiration to us. I thank God for breaking the mold when he made our little Jacob.

Jacob has been sleeping all day, but managed a "no" to my question of did he need something before I stepped out on the porch and a nod of "yes" to my question of if he is feeling okay. This little boy, who lays there short of breath and with pain tells me he is feeling okay. No complaints, no whining. Let his humble strength be a lesson to us all.
Jacob had an okay night - his breathing is more labored today and he isn't eating or doing anything much except sleeping.

I think we all question why people, especially small children, are allowed to suffer. Through my 3 years of watching Jacob battle cancer I have seen a strength in him that is above human - it's a crazy unnatural strength when it came to pain and all that he endures. I KNOW th...at God walked him through those trials and is carrying him towards the finish line now. This verse I ran across today explains a lot of it:
John 9:1-3: "As Jesus was walking along, He saw a man who had been blind from birth. "Teacher," His disciples asked Him, "why was this man born blind? Was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?" "It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "He was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him."

Anyone who has met Jacob (and even those who haven't) can certainly see the power of God in him. We have been blessed with an angel.



  1. I was finally able to conect to Jacob's page. My heart breaks for your family. I tried to read one of the FB post about Jacob to my husband when he finally had to take the computer and read it himself. I just could not read through the tears. I tell you your story has caused me to hold my children tighter. WE as a family pray for your sweet family everyday.

  2. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. When Jacob's soul leaves this earth, his feet will touch down in heaven. Instantly.

    I bet Jacob will be like a shooting star upon his entry into heaven. God bless you and yours.



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