It's strange, really, since I have gotten back into the swing of "life". It's a life that revolves around cancer, certainly, but it isn't all hospital stays and tests at the moment. You would think that I would be able to return to a sense of normalcy
The flow of meals being given to us has dropped drastically so I actually managed a shopping trip last week. It was strange to have cancer even intrude on something as simple as grocery shopping: my thought throughout the trip was "Will Jacob eat this? Is it fattening and will it help him gain some weight?" Even grocery shopping stops being simple when cancer is in the picture.
It isn't all doom and gloom. There are moments that are normal. The kids still get into their normal squabbles, when we sit on the couch and watch a movie it feels normal, when we cook or play games it feels normal. Jacob has been doing all these things this week. If you look past his bald little head you would find a feisty, hungry, playful boy this week. For this I am thankful. His counts are good right now, though expected to drop this week or next as that is the timeline for this type of chemo he received last week. He has energy. He tires a bit more easily but he is bouncing off the walls just as much as Becca and Joe. His appetite has increased by leaps and bounds, probably due to the steroid he was put on for that very purpose.
No, life is not normal; but moments in our life are. I'll take that for now.
I cannot imagine how you have managed to produce coherent posts, much less the beautiful thoughts that you have. But 'normal' is an interesting word in any case. Whatever is, by necessity, becomes normal. My husband is working in another state while my kids and I are still here trying to sell a house and finish the school year. For a bit, this will be our 'normal', and it's uncomfortable, but it also highlights the important: our family, our love for each other, and our commitment to our family. So there is good in the midst of the bad.
ReplyDeleteSheila-
ReplyDeleteYou are right, everyone has a "normal". Our normal has just changed to include cancer for awhile. It is not something we would choose, but life must go on. We deal, we change, and we open ourselves to a new normal...even if we have to be dragged kicking and screaming into it!
Finding your new normal takes time while dealing with cancer. It's not easy,not fair and for sure not what you ever dreamed you would have to face. You are a stong woman. Enjoy the little things. For me, that is what I held onto with my husbands journey with Cancer. One day at a time sweet one !! I wanted to also suggest giving Jacob Ensure or something along that line. They have a high protein one that my hubby really liked when he liked nothing else. It kept his weight up. Just a thought! Hugs from Kansas... Kristy...MJF Sister
ReplyDeleteSomeone once told me that normal was just a setting on your dryer. Life forces us to change our normals all the time. I wish you did not have to face this new normal with your family and your son especially. Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJust happened upon your blog through a Blogher ad for this post. I too write with Blogher and I too have a son that has fought cancer. His name is Gavin. He is six years old now, but was diagnosed with AT/RT (of the brain and spine) at the age of 3. So, I complete remember the exact feelings you described in this post. Even now, our life is far from normal. I look forward to following your blog a bit more. Will add your family to my prayer list. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Stacie Smith
www.smithscooptexas.blogspot.com