Dating is not ever an option in our home. Courtship is what we practice. So until our daughters are at the point where they are ready to "interview" a potential mate and marriage is in the near future, we do not worry about it. Makes life so much simpler. It also gives importance to marriage and shows that "causal" dating is frivlious.
Hmm, 30? Just kidding, kind of :) I'm a youth pastor's wife, and we work with teenagers all the time. I see them date, break up, and end up with regrets and broken hearts. I personally would love to see my kids not date in jr. high or high school... I think it's a heart matter more than anything. Where is their heart for wanting to date? Is it because they and their other want to build a solid, appropriate, give and take relationship, where they learn to put their selfish desires aside for that other person? Most of the time not really. And most of the dating that I see brings out more negatives than positives... jealousy, inability to manage time or emotions appropriately, not to mention all the physical issues that will come up with teens growing up in our current over sexualized culture and society. Yikes, didn't mean to go on and on, but that is my perspective... thank God my kids are only 6 and 4 so we have some time to figure all these things out, lol.
Hmm. I think that age has very little to do with it - except to disqualify a person from dating.
Is the person ready - in the next six to twelve months - for marriage? If a man - does he have a steady job that can support a family on his one income? If a girl - is she emotionally and practically ready to be a wife and mother and make a home for her family (has practical skills like cooking, etc. and character traits such as being cheerful and hard-working)? If not, he or she is not ready to date (like Amy, I prefer the term "courtship.")
Hence, someone who is sixteen, IMO, is automatically disqualified from dating. Age 18? Some of my friends think yes, though I still disagree. Maybe 19 for a girl... maybe... For a man - I can't think of any I know who are ready to support a family until... I don't know ... 20 or 21 on the young side.
This doesn't even address the question of debt, which in my opinion, could also be a disqualifier...
My daughter went on her first chaperoned date at 14. I had thought we would want her to wait, but she is mature. My idea of dating is to have fun, not looking for a mate. That comes in college or grad school years, IMHO. High school is a time for fun and developing social skills and making friends. Much dating in high schools is group dating, which is different. I think this topic depends on what one sees as the purpose of dating and the maturity of the kids.
Here goes. :) My husband and I were married young 19 and 20. As far as my children I would want to see them mature enough for marriage before dating. I know that age differs for everybody. I would like to see them avoid the chain of breaking up and broken hearts. My husband and I were each others one and only boyfriend/ girlfriend, our first kiss was the first for both of us. This is an ideal and I would love to see this kind of thing for my kids as well. We will see.. We are praying for you all Elizabeth! Elizabeth S.
I think 16 is a good age to begin dating, especially if it is a double date or a group. I do not think that children under 16 need to date, though they should be able to go out with a chaperoned group and have fun. Dating should not be just to look for a spouse, but to have fun and see how different the world around can be from what we are used to. I am keeping Jacob in my prayers.
Well, I'm not a mom. I am 29, though, so I'm also not a spring chicken. (And I'm married, and hope to be a mom one day!) I was a "good kid" growing up. The kind who didn't get into trouble, had good friends, did well in school. So when I got a boyfriend, my parents didn't worry too much. We saw each other a lot. Probably too much. I was madly in love. We also fooled around and eventually went all the way. I don't regret that so much as I regret being as emotionally caught up in love and dating at such a young age. I wish someone had been there to slow me down and help me to extricate myself from being so involved with just one person at a time when I should've been having fun with friends and getting to know myself and come into my own. As a result of that relationship, I wound up being way too focused on "relationships" to the detriment of myself.
Based on my history, I now think dating as a teenager is fine, but exclusive "serious" dating should be discouraged, at least until kids are out of high school. Parents should stay involved and get to know their kids' dates, and make sure their kids have well-balanced lives that include other activities and interests and friends. Of course, it's so much easier said that done, and hindsight is always 20/20. Good question!
I agree with Je. Dating in high school is fine in my book. I don't have children either, but also got myself into a relationship in high school that ended up being serious and exclusive. I dropped out of activities that I enjoyed and my grades fell, I drifted away from my long term friendships. I married the guy two years after high school having dated only a couple of other people for short periods. I found myself at 22 divorced and filled with regrets. I do not think any one in high school should get into a serious and exclusive relationship. I think group dates and friendships should be encouraged.
Dating is not ever an option in our home. Courtship is what we practice. So until our daughters are at the point where they are ready to "interview" a potential mate and marriage is in the near future, we do not worry about it. Makes life so much simpler. It also gives importance to marriage and shows that "causal" dating is frivlious.
ReplyDeleteHmm, 30? Just kidding, kind of :) I'm a youth pastor's wife, and we work with teenagers all the time. I see them date, break up, and end up with regrets and broken hearts. I personally would love to see my kids not date in jr. high or high school... I think it's a heart matter more than anything. Where is their heart for wanting to date? Is it because they and their other want to build a solid, appropriate, give and take relationship, where they learn to put their selfish desires aside for that other person? Most of the time not really. And most of the dating that I see brings out more negatives than positives... jealousy, inability to manage time or emotions appropriately, not to mention all the physical issues that will come up with teens growing up in our current over sexualized culture and society. Yikes, didn't mean to go on and on, but that is my perspective... thank God my kids are only 6 and 4 so we have some time to figure all these things out, lol.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I think that age has very little to do with it - except to disqualify a person from dating.
ReplyDeleteIs the person ready - in the next six to twelve months - for marriage? If a man - does he have a steady job that can support a family on his one income? If a girl - is she emotionally and practically ready to be a wife and mother and make a home for her family (has practical skills like cooking, etc. and character traits such as being cheerful and hard-working)? If not, he or she is not ready to date (like Amy, I prefer the term "courtship.")
Hence, someone who is sixteen, IMO, is automatically disqualified from dating. Age 18? Some of my friends think yes, though I still disagree. Maybe 19 for a girl... maybe... For a man - I can't think of any I know who are ready to support a family until... I don't know ... 20 or 21 on the young side.
This doesn't even address the question of debt, which in my opinion, could also be a disqualifier...
God bless your family.
We pray for you often.
My daughter went on her first chaperoned date at 14. I had thought we would want her to wait, but she is mature. My idea of dating is to have fun, not looking for a mate. That comes in college or grad school years, IMHO. High school is a time for fun and developing social skills and making friends. Much dating in high schools is group dating, which is different. I think this topic depends on what one sees as the purpose of dating and the maturity of the kids.
ReplyDeleteHere goes. :) My husband and I were married young 19 and 20. As far as my children I would want to see them mature enough for marriage before dating. I know that age differs for everybody. I would like to see them avoid the chain of breaking up and broken hearts. My husband and I were each others one and only boyfriend/ girlfriend, our first kiss was the first for both of us. This is an ideal and I would love to see this kind of thing for my kids as well. We will see..
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you all Elizabeth!
Elizabeth S.
I think 16 is a good age to begin dating, especially if it is a double date or a group. I do not think that children under 16 need to date, though they should be able to go out with a chaperoned group and have fun. Dating should not be just to look for a spouse, but to have fun and see how different the world around can be from what we are used to.
ReplyDeleteI am keeping Jacob in my prayers.
Well, I'm not a mom. I am 29, though, so I'm also not a spring chicken. (And I'm married, and hope to be a mom one day!) I was a "good kid" growing up. The kind who didn't get into trouble, had good friends, did well in school. So when I got a boyfriend, my parents didn't worry too much. We saw each other a lot. Probably too much. I was madly in love. We also fooled around and eventually went all the way. I don't regret that so much as I regret being as emotionally caught up in love and dating at such a young age. I wish someone had been there to slow me down and help me to extricate myself from being so involved with just one person at a time when I should've been having fun with friends and getting to know myself and come into my own. As a result of that relationship, I wound up being way too focused on "relationships" to the detriment of myself.
ReplyDeleteBased on my history, I now think dating as a teenager is fine, but exclusive "serious" dating should be discouraged, at least until kids are out of high school. Parents should stay involved and get to know their kids' dates, and make sure their kids have well-balanced lives that include other activities and interests and friends. Of course, it's so much easier said that done, and hindsight is always 20/20. Good question!
I agree with Je. Dating in high school is fine in my book. I don't have children either, but also got myself into a relationship in high school that ended up being serious and exclusive. I dropped out of activities that I enjoyed and my grades fell, I drifted away from my long term friendships. I married the guy two years after high school having dated only a couple of other people for short periods. I found myself at 22 divorced and filled with regrets. I do not think any one in high school should get into a serious and exclusive relationship. I think group dates and friendships should be encouraged.
ReplyDeleteI haven't really got a clue. I went out with my first ever boyfriend aged 26 and he was my first and only, and we're now married!
ReplyDelete