Calm

I love Max Lucado's wisdom and insight and especially crave inspiration for being calm. Trade Your Cares For Calm is a devotional that my husband and I are reading together. Bible Verses, real life situations, check lists, and more in this book is helping us to see where we can hand our worries over to God and just follow Him. 
    Each chapter is just a few paragraphs long so it's easy to read quickly and then dwell on that passage all day. Included throughout the book are gorgeous photographs of God's handiwork (nature scenes) and with a nice dust jacket and attached ribbon bookmark I feel this would make a great gift. Once finished with this I plan to set it on my shelves to pull out time and time again for the reminder that God is in control. Let Go and let God.

This book was given to me by BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my honest review.
 

Of Mess and Moxie

"You don't need to be who you first were." This was Jen Hatmaker's first message to me in her recent book Of Mess and Moxie. It resonated with me deeply as that's one of the reasons I quit blogging. I was no longer the know-it-all, opinionated person I once was.

 "That early version of yourself, that season you were in, even the phase you are currently experiencing - it is all good or purposeful or at least useful and created a fuller, nuanced you and contributed to your life's meaning, but you are not stuck in a category just because you were once branded that way. Just because something was does not mean it will always be.

Maybe part of your story involves heartache, abuse, struggle, loss, choices you wish you had back. Those are particularly sticky labels to unpeel. Those seasons tend to brand us permanently, at least to others, maybe especially to ourselves.  

You don't have to be who you were." (Pages 4-5)

From the very start I was drawn into Jen's wisdom, insight, and circle. Somehow Jen weaves in parenting, marriage, faith, friendship, creativity, and life without preaching, only sharing, yet makes you stop and take note and reevaluate how you yourself view things.  A mixture of 1 part Jim Gaffigan, 1 part Jenny Lawson (a clean version!), and 2 parts friend this book kept me entertained and warmed my soul. I dog eared pages (which I never do to books!) and will add this to my shelves to read again. I also plan to search out her other books to read.

This book was given to me by BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my honest review.
 

100 Days to Brave

I've read Annie Downs' book Let's All Be Brave and gave it a pretty scathing review. I had forgotten about that when I ordered her devotional 100 Days to Brave which I'm glad of because I would have missed out on a great little piece of encouragement.

This devotional is 100 short devotions that lead us to unlocking our most courageous self. The dictionary lists the definition of courage as " the ability to do something that frightens one" and "strength in the face of pain or grief" which I found interesting. 

Life takes courage, and courage can be found in God. This book is about trusting in Him, in His plan for us, and in truth. Whether we need courage to change jobs, stand up for ourselves or others, deal with an illness, or make a drastic life change we can find that courage when we look to God. This devotional helps us stop believing lies, stand our ground when the world wants us to conform, be brave for others, and so much more.

The reason I found the definition of courage interesting is because sometimes I've been amazed by my own courage, especially through pain and grief. I know that it isn't from myself, but rather a blessing from God when I truly needed it. Other times my courage wanes and I need encouragement to spark it. My husband and I are reading this devotional together daily and are finding it helpful and uplifting.

This book was given to me by BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my honest review. 

Fireproof

I've been elated that in the past several years Christianity has seen a large uprising in the national theaters. There have been numerous movies with good morals and very pointed messages played in our own local theater and it's a good thing for the community.

Fireproof was at the beginning of this trend. I was given the opportunity by FishFlix to review this movie. While I watched Fireproof soon after it was first produced it holds a message that can be watched again and again. 

I thought the acting was a bit cheesy when I first watched it (and again while reviewing it!), it does make sense when you realize that the actors were mainly volunteers from Kirk Cameron's own church. This is a small budget film where the message is more important than the acting. If you can get past the sub par acting you will get to the point of the movie.

Which is that marriage is not the fairy tale often seen in the movies but rather a partnership between two very flawed people that only works when both are committed to each other. Fireproof brings up the (unfortunately) very common issue of work place adultery and porn addiction. It also shows that marriage is worth fighting for.

When Fireproof first came out the message was so popular that a companion book, The Love Dare, was used by many couple Bible Studies to strengthen marriages. The message is a very powerful one, which I think singles as well as married couples, need to hear today. With a country where the divorce rate is 50% and rising it is beneficial to have movies that show someone fighting for their marriage instead of glorifying divorce, adultery, and an "anything goes" mentality.     
 

Hope Unfolding

I get it, Momma. I totally get it. Every day you wake up and try your very best. You love, give, and pour out your life for the ones who call you Momma. But no matter how much you offer, there are still days you feel as though you come up short. You worry, Am I loving these babies enough? Is this ever going to get easier? Why does it seem like I am the only one who cannot balance it all?

 Sometimes, we just need hope (and maybe a long uninterrupted nap). We need someone to help tune our hearts to the voice of the Father and to remind us that He has not forgotten about us. Hope Unfolding by Becky Thompson

This book is a breath of fresh air when it comes to mothering books in the publishing world. Never once did I feel chastised or told how to parent. As a matter of fact, Thompson makes it clear, over and over again, that YOU are doing the best you can and that the best is always good enough. 

Thompson doesn't tell you how to change your life. Or let you know that if you do things her way it will be the right way. She meets you where you are and basically reiterates what you already know - being a momma is hard but leaning on God makes this whole parenting thing a bit more clear and so totally worth it. 

This book was like chatting with a friend over a cup of tea about marriage, motherhood, messes, and more. It left me feeling uplifted and with hope that this life is the one that was mapped out for me by God. 

This book was given to me by Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest opinion.
 

Picture Thoughts

Every single morning I find Amy and Mr. Bean snuggling on the couch for a bit. 

Though he is a sweet cat, he usually won't come willingly to cuddle, except for the mornings for some reason. So this is the daily morning scene.

Smiles in pictures are rare for this girl. Though she is all smiles before, as well as after, the camera is in her face - she immediately poses for a photo by not smiling when she sees a camera. I call her my natural born model because she always does the model face when she sees a camera. Funny girl.

I've had people comment on where pictures of the other kids are as their photos are few and far between. I respect the fact that Becca often doesn't want her picture taken and even more rarely wants it to be posted to Facebook or my blog. And Joe is becoming much the same. We adults grew up without the easy access to cameras and immediate photos. I think that's a good thing. I'm not going to force my kids to get their photo taken if they don't enjoy it or post it online without their permission. I'll take photos as long as they will enjoy it and then keep the majority of their photos for family albums without plastering them online.

There is a balance between oversharing on a blog/Facebook. When it comes to my kiddos they do have a say in what I will or will not share about them. As goes for my husband as well - I will ask him before posting a photo or sharing thoughts which involve him. :) It's just the way we roll. In case you're wondering.    

Precious Life

Losing three important people in my life in a three year span:

*My 83 year old Grandma who lived a full life

*My dad a day before his 61st birthday...not old enough to be called old

*My sweet 8 year old

It showed me how precious life is. How short it is.

I won't get a second chance - this is my one wild and precious life. Today is the last day I am this young. Today is also the first day of the rest of my life. I can either look at that as a depressing thought or I can see the opportunities that it gives me.

“It’s not enough to wish, dream, hope. Even children know this. We must set sail into the sea of uncertainty. We must meet fear face-to-face. We must take our dreams as maps for a greater journey. Dreams, to come true, need a good story. So go live one.”
― Vironika Tugaleva


 

Funny Stuff

Thanks to my sweet sister-in-law who surprised us with Jim Gaffigan tickets, we had a wonderful Saturday night, sans children!

I LOVE Jim Gaffigan! His books are hilarious, his stand up is clean. A comedian who is not crude or uses vulgar language is a rare find, but Jim is a family man and his comedy often centers around being a father (and his love of food!). 

Perfect date night! :)

Food For Thought

A friend shared this thought provoking article on Facebook  yesterday. 

How many of you cringed while reading it, seeing a bit (or a whole lot!) of yourself in the article? 

There does seem to be a double standard for women in relationships. If a man were to belittle a woman for her mistakes it would be considered emotional abuse. If a woman does it we just deem it "nagging" or "that time of the month".

If a man were to slap his wife during a moment of intense disagreement it would be physical abuse. If a woman were to do it to her husband, it would probably be justifiable. 

Nope, Nope, NOPE. Being rude, mean, physical, or just a general unpleasant person goes for both genders. 

The article made me stop and think. It reviled something in my personality that I don't like. I'm off to apologize to my husband. 
 

What the Future Holds

14 years ago my husband I said "I Do". I look at pictures and think "We were only babies!" 

We had been married a little over a year in the above photo and I think I was pregnant with Becca. That is our cute little niece with us!

And this is one of my favorite pictures of Ben. I think he is pretty hot, if I do say so myself. :)

14 years of love and laughter.

Tears and pain.

Life and loss.

While going through photos and seeing myself and others 10, 15, 20 years ago I thought, "What if someone had told me what my life would be like at 32?" 

"One of your children is going to get cancer. And die."

"You are going to lose three people precious to you in the space of three years." 

Those would have been huge blows. What teen imagines that she is going to someday be the mother to a pediatric cancer patient? That she will have to watch her child die? Luckily, we DON'T know the future. It would taint our everyday life.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't do anything different, except appreciate the everyday just a bit more. 

I would still marry the same man. 

I would still give birth to my little Jacob and still love him for the 8 years I had him. I would just kiss him and hug him and hold him so much more.

This quote kind of sums up our 14 years together, especially the last five: 
"In your struggles you don't have to fight alone. Let God fight with you and fight for you. Together, you can never fail!"

Life. Love. Living. It's not easy. 

If someone were to tell you what your exact present circumstances would be 20 years ago would you have been happy? Surprised? Sad? What do you think you would have thought about who you are now? 
 

Weekend Links

A great post about stay-at-home parents.

A thought provoking article on children's clothing. Why such a difference between boy's vs. girl's? 

It's really not all the boy's responsibility. A different perspective.

Curl up with a bottle of wine and this movie. It's a great little "mommy moment", and just $1.27 from Redbox! A bit silly but lots of fun! 

I am off to enjoy the day with the new eleven year old in our house. Happy Birthday, Becca!  

Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe

Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe by Sharon Jaynes turned out to be the type of book that I was hoping it would be. From her definition of helpmeet (not what most feminists rail against, but rather a "role of great honor; a portrait of great strength") to what praying for our husbands does ("not of getting our husbands to do what we want when we want it but rather to love him and pray for him. As we pray, God aligns our desires with His desires, our thinking with His thinking, and our heart with His heart").

Basically, this will change us to help us to learn to pray for our husband's best interests. This is a 30-day prayer guide, each day focuses on several aspects which he may encounter throughout his day.

I'll admit, the first few days I had a hard time working through the chapters. I didn't feel as though the prayers were fitting or corresponding to our life. I'm now about 1/4 through the prayer guide and finding myself dwelling on some of the prayers.

In a time when we are so busy raising children, running a household, and dealing with everyday issues I think it is important to take this time out each day to pray for our husbands, who have their own struggles each day. This would be an excellent book for any married woman!

Disclaimer: This book was given to me by Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest opinion.
 

A DECADE!

Today marks our 10th wedding anniversary! It sounds like a long time (especially considering I am just 28!) but it feels like I've known Ben much longer.

I remember when I got engaged at age 18. People told me I was too young. People told me that I didn't know him well enough. Some people told me I would be divorced within a few years (and my brother thinks he's rarely wrong?! lol). The truth was, I was young but I think no matter the age, you know when you've met the right one.

We wanted to do something special for our 10th anniversary. We decided to go somewhere a few days early so dropped the kids off at my parent's house on Monday and hit the road.
We arrived in Galena, IL in time for lunch and had a lovely lunch at the Victory Cafe. We strolled downtown after lunch and peeked into each adorable storefront. I had to snap this picture below of a real dog for Becca as she loves dogs and it was just too cute to pass by!
The downtown is so quaint. The street curves and is lined by flags while the sidewalk is lined with paved bricks. The stores themselves are unique and just opening the old door to some stores transport you to another time period. This is what a downtown should be like!
We spent all afternoon touring the shops and though we barely spent a dime we had a wonderful time looking around at a leisurely pace, something that we haven't been able to do since having kids 7 years ago (I can literally count on one hand the times we have been shopping together without children!). We stopped at a winery and sampled some wine and picked up a couple bottles of our favorite, which we will enjoy this evening with some cheese, grapes, and strawberries and a movie.
It was a lovely, relaxing day together. We ended our evening at a steakhouse where we enjoyed (our first ever) margaritas, yummy steak, and a decadent dessert to share. On the way home we reveled in the beautiful sunset, which was a glorious ending to a glorious day!
Happy Anniversary, Honey!


By the way, don't forget to sign up for the drawing, which ends tomorrow!

Friends?

Do you think it is possible for a married person to be friends with someone of the opposite sex? I don't mean friends as in, say, I'm friendly to my co-workers because I work with them and they are nice people type of things. Or, catching up with my old high school friend in the middle of a grocery store thing. Or even, my husband and I both are friends with this person and hang out all together sometimes.

I mean, do you think it is okay for a husband or wife to have a friend of the opposite sex that they meet up with, chat with on the phone or computer, and talk with quite often...without their spouse?

It's a tricky situation, I think. When you're single, it's fairly easy to have friends of both sexes. But when you are married, are you supposed to drop the "opposite sex" friendships? Is there anything wrong with them?

We haven't really had to face this issue in our marriage. My husband left all his female friendships behind in one state when he moved to another soon after we met, and didn't cultivate any new ones. The friendships with my male friends dissolved when I got engaged. It was a bit of an awkward situation for all, I think. One friend was truthful when he told me "I don't feel right being close friends with someone who is about to get married, especially since our friendship involved me becoming closer to you because you were single." Hint, hint. It's true that often times one can think it is just a friendship while the other has hope for something else.

There was one male friendship that I kept up after I was married. After a few months it became strange and weird, and apparent to me that one really probably can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex while being married. That friendship broke up. My husband never demanded that I stop being friends with anyone...and never brought it up even, but I realized when I became uncomfortable with it that it had to go.

Here's the thing. I trust my husband completely; I don't trust other women. I'm a woman myself, of course, but I see how sneaky, conniving, back handed, hateful, and jealous women can be. Women like to always one-up another. Women are not simple creatures. It's clear, especially, in a statement that my husband's cousin told him "Just wait until you have a wedding ring on your finger...women will become much more interested in you." Women want what they can't have...and want to take what you have.

Are all women like this? Well, probably not. But even just a friendship can be a temptation. While I trust my husband, I wouldn't agree with placing him in a situation that can be a temptation (or vice versa...I trust myself but won't place myself in a tempting situation). Men and women are different. When women chat with their girlfriends it's about anything that is going on in our life at the moment, including marriage and sometimes even sex. Especially marriage troubles. Men like to joke about things and will occasionally gripe about something that their wife did. Do we really want our spouses telling a woman about something stupid we did, or have our husbands trying to comfort a woman who is going through a troubled spot in her marriage? Yeah, I didn't think so.

This is not to say that I think all male/female friendships have to end after a marriage, but rather, I think they have to evolve to include the new spouse too. I've read many "Dear Abby" letters where a spouse (usually the wife) is writing saying that she is uncomfortable with her husband's friendship with a woman but that the husband brushes her off by saying "We are just friends". A marriage ALWAYS comes first, before ANY friendship (whether the same or opposite sex). If a spouse is uncomfortable with something it is our duty to calm that fear, even if it means that a friendship breaks up. After all, our spouses are our best friends, right?

And shall I even go into the people who consider their ex's their friends and still hang out with them even after becoming involved in a new relationship? What's up with that? Actually, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this whole matter. Do you agree or disagree?

9 Years

Nine years ago today I walked down that aisle and married the love of my life. We have had our ups and downs but our love for each other today is stronger than ever. Happy Anniversary, Honey!

For all of you reading this, shall I start at the beginning? The beginning did not begin nine years ago, but more like eleven years ago. I was just 16 years old when I wrote an article about homeschooling for Countryside Magazine. My bio at the end of the article mentioned that I was interested in penpals. The letters poured in - I literally received over 30 letters but the majority were prisoners, whom wrote interesting letters but needless to say did not become my penpals!

One of the letters was from a young man three states away. We corresponded a couple times a month back and forth and realized that we had a lot in common. Our letter writing became more and more frequent until we were writing at least once a week. He finally asked me for my phone number but I'm not much of a phone person so declined several times. After almost a year of writing I agreed and sent him my phone number. I still remember the first time he called...I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed when my dad brought the phone upstairs and said it was for me. I remember my mind going blank and I couldn't think of anything to say at first but soon the conversation flowed and I felt right at home on the phone.

Soon we were writing as well as talking on the phone several times a week. After a year of writing and another year of phone calls we decided it was time to meet. The moment we met and hugged I felt like I was with a lifelong friend; someone I had known forever. It may sound cliche' but it was true. No awkwardness at all. Needless to say, five months later...nine years ago to this day...we were married.

I look back now and realize what little babies we were. I was 18 and Ben was 23. Immature? Of course! Naive? Probably. Unready for marriage? Apparently not. 9 years, three children, one apartment and two houses, several jobs, and lots of pets later our bond is stronger than ever.

How long have you been married and how did you and your spouse meet?

What's Up With Playing House?

(Note: This is not an April Fools Joke post!)
I received our church's newsletter in the mail today and it talked of cohabitation before marriage and the increase of it. I've noticed the same thing myself. It has become acceptable, even within religious circles. While my religion preaches against pre-marital sex and living together before marriage, there is a huge number of parishioners that still do it and think it is okay.

It is a sticky subject for me to talk about. How can I preach of the wrongs of these activities without ultimately judging those who do them? As my pastor preached, we can not make decisions for other people but we must promote our faith and the teachings of our church. I can be against pre-marital sex but that doesn't mean I hate those who choose it. I can be against divorce but that doesn't mean I dis-like those who are divorced. I can be against abortion but not hate the mother who had one. What it really means is that I am pro-marriage and pro-life and I will take a stand for it. It is not a personal crusade against anyone.

So let me preface this by saying that if you are living with someone out of marriage that is your choice. It doesn't mean you are a horrible person. I am against living together before marriage but I am not against you.

I, personally, don't get "living together". Granted, I can see why those who are not Christian may see it as okay, because if you don't follow the words of the Bible then there really is no reason to get married, except for the legal aspect of it. That is not what I am addressing today. What I don't "get" is how Christians who go to church and walk the walk can accept this as okay. I get that we all sin and pre-marital sex or cohabitation is just another sin, but it is an accepted one in so many circles. I know lying is bad and I may lie sometimes but I don't accept it and pass it off as okay since everyone is doing it. When did this stop being wrong?

Not only that, I don't see what the point is. If you love someone enough to live with them, why not love them enough to marry them? I was reading one of those tabloid magazines a few months back and they were interviewing one of the couples from the Bachelor. When asked if they had plans for marriage the woman answered that "She wanted to get to know him more to make sure that this guy was the right fit for her son before committing to marriage." That's a smart thing if you have a child, to make sure the man you are dating is right for your family. But...it went on to say that they are living together. So she doesn't know him well enough to see if he would be a good fit but he can live with her while she finds out?! Things like that make you go hmmm.

The risks of cohabitation are never presented in any form in our society, but the data is obvious. Less than half of cohabitating couples even marry. 40% of cohabitating households include children. The average duration of cohabitation is 1.3 years. Women are likely to cohabitate only once and that with the person they subsequetly marry; men are more likely to cohabitate with a series of partners. Divorce rate is much higher for people who cohabitate.

Cohabiters value independence and economic equality; whereas married persons generally value interdependence and the exchange of resources. These ideas can cause problems if the cohabiters do eventually end up marrying.

The reasons given by most people who live together before marriage:

*Fear or disbelief in long-term commitment

*Desire to test the relationship

*Independence

*Avoid Divorce (you know, "test the car before buying it" theory)

These are all reasons given by Christians. The fact is, more than half of all first marriages are preceded by cohabitation and it is done almost equally by both Christian and non. We Christians no longer have a foothold on better marriages as our cohabitation and divorce rates are just as high as non-Christians. In my circle of friends it is more common to find someone who has slept with/lived with a partner before marriage than one who has not. I don't go asking this kind of information (and would really prefer not to know!) but it is common knowledge because it is something that is talked about freely like the weather these days.

Yes, marriage is a huge commitment. One not to be taken lightly in the least. But living together to test things out will not improve your relationship or make your marriage stronger. Quite frankly, I think the majority of us who are married can attest to the fact that there are some very hard times within a marriage and the only thing keeping us together during those times may be the sole fact that we made the commitment to one another and are married. Without that commitment, it is just too easy to leave the relationship during the bad times. The statistics prove that living together before marriage can/does hurt your marriage as the divorce rates are much higher.

Is it just that "playing house" is the cool thing to do these days? Should we test drive the car for a few years before deciding to buy? Is it not, in a sense, keeping us in limbo in life as it is an illusion of togetherness but in essence it means you are neither single nor married?

Your thoughts on this growing trend?

Remember Not To Forget

I don't want to come across as one of those women who constantly complains about her man. We all know someone like that...the woman who belittles her spouse, the woman who has a husband who just can't please her, the woman who is always right. After looking through some blog posts I realize that I have come across that way several times. I tend to complain when something isn't going right but I "forget" to write about our life when things are going great.

My husband is gone at his late evening dental appointment to get three cavities filled as I write this. Since our dentist is in another town and the appointments tend to take awhile, it is 7pm as I write this and he is still not home. That means that all day we have only seen him for a brief moment as he stopped home after work to get ready for his appointment. That makes for a very LONG day.

It also makes me realize why it is so much easier when my husband is home. He loads and unloads the dishwasher every single day, he plays with the kids, he keeps them occupied while I take a long soak in the tub, he helps clean up around the place, and so much more. But it isn't those things that make him a great husband, it is the fact that I look forward to him arriving home. Not just so I get a break from the kids or the house but because I look forward to talking to him and having him near. Yes, after close to nine years of marriage I still miss him when he is gone at work for eight hours or more a day.

Tonight isn't the first night that I am reminded how lucky I am. I not only have a husband who helps me clean and take care of the kids, but I have a husband who comes home every single night after work and one who often reminds us that it is the only place he would want to be. He has no desire to stop off at a bar with "buddies" or spend his weekends watching the game at a friends house. At the end of a hard day at work he just wants to come home. To us.

That counts for a lot. I know other women who don't have it so lucky. Who try to force their husbands to stay home only to have them home but not present in their life. Other women have to force their husband to be a father; they have to beg to get them to care for their own children. Some couldn't get their man to touch a dish with a dishrag, much less change a dirty diaper. Others have to worry about alcohol, drugs, porn, or other women. This post is not to brag. If your husband is not the man you hoped he would be, do not despair. Things can and do change in a marriage. My husband wasn't as kind or considerate when we first married as he is now. A marriage is constantly evolving and with hard work and a lot of dedication and prayers, it often can evolve for the better.

Rather, I hope that all my readers have a kind and considerate husband. And this post is to remind you (and me!) to remember just that. Sometimes it's just too easy to forget.

Marriage, revisited

I am planning on doing away with Sunday postings as I would love one day of total rest, but wanted to revisit my post from last week on marriage. Things are much better this week. Hubby and I sat down and discussed all of our issues and we are working on them.

I think sometimes we get too complacent in our relationships and ignore little problems until the molehill really does become a mountain. It isn't a bad thing to get to a place in your marriage where things have to change, as long as you are willing to change. Marriages evolve through the years and things do change as you grow up, have children, have more children, have a stressful job or situation, and more. And that is what I am learning...our marriage is evolving and will become even stronger because of it.

I appreciate all your kind words and the wonderful and encouraging notes (thank you so much, Dee and Kathy). As I stated last week, I do contemplate where to draw the line at personal stuff on my blog. I don't want to air all my dirty laundry. But at the same time, I want to be real. I want all my readers to know that my marriage isn't perfect and that my children aren't perfect and that I am not the perfect mom, but that it is okay as long as we continue to strive to do our best. As Robin mentioned in my comment section under last weeks post, sometimes it is a good thing to let others (or even your own children) know that your marriage has it's ups and downs. It shows that it is a normal part of marriage and that you can disagree but still be a team. And we are still a team.

Edited to add: Check out the comments for an interesting discussion.

P.S. This will be my last Sunday post (unless I have something really important to say). I will continue my other regular scheduled posting though!

The Roller Coaster of Marriage

I hesitate sometimes in becoming too personal on my blog. But today while contemplating whether I should delve into my personal life I realized that if I don't then I am always giving the illusion that my life is all peaches and cream. No one has a perfect life, and it's okay to admit that. It doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong in life, it just means you are human.

I equate marriage as a ride on a roller coaster. There are ups and downs and some real high points, and very low points. And in the end, that is what makes a roller coaster a ride worth riding. I think it is the same with marriage. While the highs are fun, the lows are there for a reason. A point in which to learn and grow and change. While I don't think disagreements or flat out verbal fights are fun or even always necessary I do think they happen because you reach a point in your marriage where something has to change or you have to adjust something to make it work well again. If a roller coaster, or marriage, was just a straight ride through life, it wouldn't be fun and it wouldn't be worth it.

So for the last week, my marriage has hit a low point. Nothing for you all to worry over, but enough to make me have to focus and rearrange some of my thoughts. I'm still at the very low point in this period and we haven't resolved anything yet, but we are both still here. And my thoughts have been swirling around in my head and getting no where. But this morning, when I read on another board of someone elses problem with their marriage and someone stated a question from a book which said "What if God didn't intend for marriage to make us happy, but holy?"

It made me stop in my tracks. When I am going through a rough time and whining to myself about "not being happy", what if instead, I am supposed to be making my marriage a holy one, which in turn will make it a happy one.

It is something I have to dwell on more. I need to sort my feelings out. I can not change anyone but myself. My husband and I need to resolve this. And we will. But what it proves to me, and what the above quote really hit home about, was that this is what marriage is all about. And if we can look at what marriage was intended to be by God, then we can realize that even at the lowest points in life, we can learn that being happy isn't going to happen 100% of the time. And that's okay. Because as long as you stay on track there will be another high right around the corner.

Getting Married Young

The other day my older brother and I were discussing marriage and he said that he thought it was a bad idea to get married at a young age. His reasoning is that you are too immature at that age to realize the serious matter of marriage, and too immature to work at a good marriage. He stated that it usually ends in divorce.

I disagreed with him. I got married three months shy of my nineteenth birthday, and am still married almost nine years later, to the same person! Looking back, I can realize what a little baby I was and how immature but I don't think it has harmed our marriage. We grew up together and I think it is our marriage that helped us grow up. We knew that we were responsible for our union and that my husband was responsible to provide for his wife and I was responsible in keeping the home fires burning. We had children young too and that makes you grow up even quicker.

Yes, I think that we became responsible because we made a responsible choice. We knew we wanted to be together, I knew my calling was as a wife and mother, and we chose to get married because we do not believe in living together before marriage. Did I realize how difficult marriage can be, or comprehend the seriousness of the fact that I will be with my husband until death do us part? No, not totally, but I think that until you are in a marriage, at any age, you don't grasp it totally.

I, personally, believe that age has nothing to do with how mature you are. Yes, at eighteen I was much more immature than I am now, but I still look back and think I was mature enough to handle marriage. I see 30 year olds around me who are still in the party stage of their life and couldn't handle caring for a goldfish, much less a marriage. I see 20 year olds who can't balance a checkbook or figure out what a balanced meal is. I see 40 year olds who are selfish beyond reason and wouldn't know how to care for another person because all they care about is themselves. Maturity does not always come with age. Responsibility doesn't always come with age.

I have heard the excuse of "I was too young when I got married, I didn't know who I was" for the reason of a divorce. I don't buy it, you don't "find yourself", you create yourself. This can happen when you are in a young marriage, along side your spouse. The way to fix a marriage is to never turn outside your marriage to fix it. You work with your spouse, not against them. Yes, young marriages don't always work, and either do some marriages when the couples married at an older age. It has nothing to do with the age, but more to do with the people themselves.

What do you think? Where you married at a young age? An older age? How do you think that helped/hurt your relationship? I'd love to hear your opinion!